Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired....

Hello.... I've been gone a while again, this time with legitimate excuse.... I was sick. I mean REALLY sick.

I remember being thirteen and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wake up. I was so tired and my head hurt so bad. My mom had to rush me to the ER only to watch me sleep through a spinal tap because I had Spinal meningitis. They said 5 more minutes would've made the difference between life and death. I was sick, so sick. I was also on isolation because meningitis is deadly and contagious.

At sixteen, I had this headache from Hell that wouldn't go away. nobody believed me how sick I felt because I was fine earlier in the day. They kept giving me aspirin, as if that could help. By 2am I was feverish, like 103 feverish. Rushed once more to the hospital, we found I had meningitis again and it was possible I would die. My mom was there every day, so were a few good friends, but once more, I was sick, really sick.

At seventeen I was diagnosed with a pituitary brain tumor. I felt so hopeless. They said I could never have children and it was so large that I probably wouldn't live passed the age of 21. I was terrified. I was gonna die for real this time. I couldn't eat, I lost 86lbs, I threw up water! Why was this happening to me? Was I that horrible of a person? Nobody understood. Everyone was too scared to face it so I had to do it alone. I remember staying up all night by myself the day before I turned 21 praying God would let me live. And He did.

I got pregnant a few weeks later. The doctors said to abort, I would die and the baby possibly would too. No. I had lived a life and I wasn't going to destroy one that never had a chance. Once again, nobody understood. I can still hear my mother saying, "That baby is going to kill my baby!"

Angelina is almost seven now. And Zoe Jane is three months today. Two weeks ago, I had to have a simple surgery to clear placental leftovers that had caused me to hemorrhage.There was an infection the doctors didn't catch that traveled through my blood stream and I feel ill, again. I had a fever of 103.8 and I was delirious. My husband rushed me to ER to be told I may have meningitis again. But after four spinal taps, I didn't. I was poked 29 times with needles because my veins kept bursting. I couldn't see my children because they didn't know what was wrong with me. I was receiving iv pain meds that were way to strong for me to handle. I couldn't eat, I couldn't stay awake. I was so sick.

I'm home, now. But I'm still on antibiotics and I'm still weak and tired. But I'll live. But I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm a survivor, that's for sure. Take this blog as an inspiration to anyone you know who is sick, has been sick, or may be sick. God works miracle's. On those who need miracles. Did I mention my tumor's gone? I'm gonna be fine..... And between me and you? So will you!