My baby cousin had a baby girl, 4lbs. She was in no way at all prepared. I remember my pregnancy with Angelina. Everyone wanted me to abort my pregnancy because A) I had what doctors had said to be a deadly brain tumor and B) her father wanted no part of my pregnancy. So I ran away to Las Vegas to try to find help. I ended up bouncing from home to home until I finally met a man who I thought actually cared. I still had no income except welfare that was barely getting food in my mouth, let alone paying bills.
I was at the welfare office when I noticed a door reading "Gang Intervention". Although I was basically in the streets, I wanted to help. I walk in and told the man in charge, "I have no money but I have plenty of time, what can I do?"
Alex Bernal is the gang coordinator for the Back On Track program in Las Vegas, as well as being my mentor. At the time I didn't realize I needed that program as much as any other kid there! But Alex knew.
He heard my story of running with gangs, drug abuse, broken childhood memories and my "forbidden" pregnancy and he reached out. He helped me to eat, found me somewhere to sleep. He took me under his wing and made me feel loved.
As the birth of my baby loomed over my head, getting closer and closer.... I fell short. I started to sell drugs to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. I had nothing. Not a stitch of clothing, not even a diaper. I was lost. My family thought I was on drugs because I was out of control when it came to my bi polar disease and in and out of the hospital for pregnancy related issues. I had no one to turn to but Alex.
Angelina Laurelle Davis was born on November 19th, 2004 @ 11:20 am weighing 6lbs, 9ozs and 19 and a quarter inches long. I was scared. I was lost. I had a mirror in the room as I delivered alone. My family showed up later, but nobody was there when her beautiful face saw the world for the first time. No pictures or videos of my labor.... Just after.
As soon as my family left that day, I realized I was alone, again.... With no one to help me, to guide me. Postpartum depression kicked in and kicked my ass! I called my sister to come get my baby and I lost myself. I got high for the first time in five years, I got drunk and I took 25 pain killers as once and prayed for God to forgive me for ending my life. He forgave me, because I'm still alive, raising both of my beautiful babies.
I was lost in drug addiction for a while. Then Alex came along once again. He introduced me to Hope and together they kept me sober for while, helped me get clothes and food for my baby, put a roof over my head and sent me on the Greyhound back to California to get my daughter back after I had sent her away to get cleaned up.
But nobody believed I was sober..... My sister came one night and took my baby away and disappeared, calling 3 weeks later to say, " Meet at Joshua Court if you ever want to see your daughter again....."
I'd never even heard of Joshua Court! I had called the police, they were no help. My mother and father thought I was on drugs still, they didn't help. My baby was three months old and had been stolen. I was lost again. Back to the drugs I went to lose myself and hide from the pain.
Alex saw my actions and came in to guide me into sobriety, to hold my hand and pick me up off of the floor as people continued to walk all over me and knock me down again and again.
I became his daughter in a sense. Someone to love and to show right from wrong. He asked me to share my story to help others. And I did, I do.... Repeatedly. I can't bear the thought of another girl losing herself the way I did.
 |
| Alex Bernal, right, and Beetle, left, of Las Vegas' Back on Track program |
Between you and me, I didn't know where I was going when I started this blog today, but I got there anyways. You don't get to pick your life. God has it mapped out before you are even conceived. And where you go, where you end up, and who you meet along the way is all in His plan for you. Thank you Alex, for being a part of His plan for me!
No comments:
Post a Comment